Pot Smokers Have Become The New Douchebags.


I know I’m going to take heat for this, but someone needs to say it. To preface, I take no issue with anyone who wants to delve into smoking pot. I don’t care if you are high on the bus, high on your deck while the sun is setting, shit, I don’t care if you are high while taking a customer service call (mostly). I’ve smoked pot with mixed results, sometimes it has been good, other times it made me a little sick.

But here’s the thing: Pot is pretty much for getting fucked up. That’s OK, of course, but let’s stop pretending it is more than that. Of course it should be legal. Absolutely it should be legal. Yes, it is great for cancer patients going through chemo. Hey, maybe it’s good for like indigestion, no idea, but that’s cool if so. However, we gotta draw a fucking line in the pot crops at this point, because many (not all) pot smokers have become raging fucking douchebags. And it needs to end.

Let’s look at a few of them.

You Post Daily Random Shitty Articles About Pot Curing Something Crazy From A Website Link That Is Fucking Ridiculous.

Come on, folks! When I pop on Facebook and the same motherfuckers are sharing “cannabis cures woman’s boils – cannabisunleashedinthemind.com” I want to jump off the Golden Gate bridge with Luther Vandross eating a ham sandwich tied to my ankle.

What the fuck? Again, pot is fine by me, but stop posting propaganda all goddamn day. How about you just smoke the shit and shut the fuck up? No one cares at all. You don’t need to actively pursue that you are somehow in some elitist drug use scenario where all us beer drinkers are inferior beings and unenlightened minds.

The real tip of scale here is when someone uses the term “cannabis.” You know at that point whatever they connect to “cannabis” is going to be goddamn super stupid.

Let me summarize this shit: Pot is smoke in your lungs. I don’t care if the smoke is from fucking kale and broccoli, your lungs don’t want smoke in them. Your lungs jobs are to get you motherfucking air and to occasionally be shut off by tying a rope around your neck while you are masturbating to amateur blowjob swallow porn. They are in no way a vessel for smoke. I could literally name 50 things that would be better for your goddamn lungs than smoke. I am pretty sure when the first lungs were given out, the maker was like “yeah, pretty durable shit here, but just don’t get smoke in these things, they will shit the bed real fast.”

You Claim You Do Everything Better High.

When you get high, you get fucked up. People who toke crack, they get fucked up. Drink some beer, your big ol’ brain will start feeling fucked up and you may end up fucking people you didn’t mean to fuck or flirting with trannies by accident. Pot gets you high, it does not improve your motor skills.

Getting fucked up is fine, but stop trying to convince us all that you aren’t fucked up. You are. All drugs fuck you up. Take some percocet? Shit will fuck you up. You smoking pot ain’t no better than anyone else. We all shit the same stinky shit. That’s life.

People who smoke pot are not more focused, they are super forgetful. And to be honest, kind of annoying to work with (again, to qualify, I am talking people who get stoned at work). Working with a stoner is terrible. There is a loss of any sense of urgency. There is forgetfulness.

I have went to work drunk a couple of times. Guess what? I was a fucking mental mess. Why? Because I was fucking drunk you assholes. That’s how shit goes.

But you tell these pot puffer assholes “dude you are too high I will just handle this” they are like “pot helps my focus.” When I am drunk, I am drunk. If I am drunk trying to build a porn set from legos (I do this sometimes, it is great fun) and the entire thing falls down, it is because I am fucking drunk. And being drunk means less focus, bad motor skills, and lapse in spatial recognition needed to properly create a visually stunning toy sized porn set.

You Always Claim You “Aren’t Addicted.”

One of my friends always had to guide us into doing things which conveniently worked out for her to smoke pot. Wanna hit a bar? She always wanted it to be next door to my place or her place. Wanna go to dinner? She’d drive. Why? So she could go to her place, or my place, or her car, to smoke fucking pot at some point throughout the night. Suggest any other place and she was like “nah that place sucks,” but this was usually because she’d have to wait in line to get back inside.

Of course this is remincisnt of the smokers (cigs). You live in Phoenix and you suggest flying to NYC for a weekend and they are like “eh, let’s just do Scottsdale.” Why? Because they don’t want to be anywhere (a plane) that doesn’t allow them to smoke cigs. But the reason they give? “NYC is kinda lame bro.”

But ask them if they are addicted, then you get this erratic “cannabis is not addictive” reaction. Note the use of the term, “cannabis,” to somehow medically infuse the reactive diatribe. When you do something every day, when you refuse to work at jobs that drug test, when you won’t go to places that don’t give you access to smoke your “cannabis,” your ass is addicted.

Welcome to doing drugs asshole. That shit happens. I’ve been addicted to drinking booze a couple of times, I just don’t go around pretending the shit didn’t happen. I’ve done some blow and then been like “hey let’s get some more!” Why? Because I was n Vegas and being addicted to blow sounded fucking great.

“Yo man, you kind been drinking every night, maybe you need to take a break?”

“My hydroxyl functional group (-O H) and Saturated Carbon Atoms relaxes me and is good for my skin and makes my HPV simmer down when I am stressed.”

See how fucking stupid that just sounded?

You Travel Places Just For Pot

–Just arrived in Denver, OMG, asked Siri for nearest cannabis store and got 9! Feeling Blessed : )–

Seriously, why did you go 500 miles west and 1 fucking mile up to get pot? I know there have been some legal issues and I’m on your side to legalize it, but never, and I mean NEVER, have I heard of people not being able to get this shit readily. Like are there places in the US that you can’t get pot? 20 years ago I got pot AT WILL. I paged some motherfucker with dreads and he showed up to a Quick Trip and I got pot.

Did your entire vacation revolve around pot? That’s just flabbergasting to me. I just simply can’t wrap my small brain around it.

You Cook With It.

Dude, you can’t possibly be serious with this, can you? I once put it in brownies. It’s fucking disgusting. This is serious asshole territory. There is nothing good about the taste of pot no matter how you season it or what you shove it in.

I could maybe see people who are missing their tongues and noses being fine with it, but not anyone else who has those things.

You love pot. We get it. But that should be the fucking end of that..