How To Not Be An Asshole In Starbucks (5 easy to understand pics)

Starbucks has coffee. And it has its share of idiocy. Here’s your how to guide for not being an asshole in Starbucks



Let me sip on my O’Douls non alcoholic beer and digest this question. Oh wait, done digesting and the conclusion is: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. Know how I came up with that conclusion so quickly? Because I don’t drink non alcoholic beer so it took way less time than expected. Why don’t I drink non alcoholic beer? Because I’m simply not a pussy. Nothing wrong with avoiding the fun sauce, or not drinking caffeine, good for you. But stop being that guy that goes to Starbucks and orders this serious sounding Starbuck drink only to have it turn out to be decaf.

Hi Gun Shop. Can I please get some bad ass fucking bullets for my powerful sick ass gun.

Sure, what kind of bullets.

I would like .45 caliber shells made of Styrofoam. 

That’s you, but in Starbucks. That is exactly how stupid you sound.


Your drink order shouldn’t make me feel like I’m at a hipster’s spoken word sandwich shop / cafe performance. If your drink order is so fucked up that it takes wood petrification timelines to order, then you don’t need to be drinking these type of drinks. There is a world existing around you. You should meet it. It’s pretty cool. Asshole.




If you turn around and giggle at me, pretty much assume that you just ordered a tall shut the fuck up sip my urine frothy special. Stop talking about fall. No one cares. Fall fucking sucks, it means shitty ass cold weather is coming and broads are about to be covering up ass cheeks and belly buttons because shit is super cold. Stop being a total pussy.


Move that shit from the damn door when I’m trying to get inside. Are you seriously just fucking with me, or do you honestly think your shitty bicycle has any place around the front door area of the store? When there are bikes all stacked up around tables every Sunday morning and douchebags talking about how this morning they already rode like a half a mile, its like a landmine of douchery and everywhere I step I’m getting douchebombed. Can’t you people just find somewhere else to shit on?