Couples Who Share Facebook Profiles Are Douchebags.

We all have those one or two Facebook profiles who request to be our friends that are actually a couple; like a husband and wife, or worse, a boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course, in case you have been living under a rock, Facebook is supposed to be for one person, not two. This is what I see when I get these request.


This is like the new way to “sit on the same side of the booth” but the online version. Actually, its 100 times worse. Whenever I get a friend request from these douchebags, it makes me want to destroy things. Not things I own, but other things like potted plants in front of apartment doors.

So why does THIS happen (the couples Facebook profiles not the potted plants in front of crappy apartment doors?

Here’s a few likely reasons. 

One of you cheated on the other, which is pretty much obvious to us all.



Old high school flames. Coworkers. The bisexual hairdresser. Somewhere something went all wrong and one of you (or both of you) feels the need to keep that crap in check by having a mutual Facebook account. So we all have to suffer by not ever knowing which one of your douchbag crackheads we are wishing Happy Birthday to.  Not to mention the weird genderless Anniversary wishing crap your profile post each year.

You seriously have no clue how the Internet works.


For you both, Amazon is still a river and you spend most of your day replying to emails requesting your AOL password (with your AOL password). The other part of your day is spent trying to figure out how come you can’t login to AOL anymore and musing over your paper bank statement trying to figure out who purchased $350 in gas and escort services all over the state of Texas.

This is your first boyfriend or girlfriend and you honestly have no idea what to do.



You’ve spent most of your life trying to revise your role as the D&D Dungeon Master in an online Second Life experience. You can barely see over your computer monitor and when you are able to, all you see are old dusty C+ books blocking your apartment window. So when that first love comes along, its just super confusing so you make your social media experience a little more streamlined.

Things happen. I guess. No matter the reason, just know how annoying you are.