Our Douche Of The Week: Patriots Fans. Because They Don’t Understand Vegas Odds

No one really believes that the Patriots are going to win this. Vegas is simply fucking with you giving a point to the Seahawks because all the real money layers know that Pats fans are fucking idiots, so they let them keep betting their $20 spots, they get their great spread, then they lay on the Seahawks.

Remember when you’d go to the bar, you’d see a herd of girls, but one was really hot and the others were just mediocre? You’d convince your buddy that one of the mediocre ones was really the hottest, then you’d swoop in on the legit hot one while your buddy was wasting time with the mediocre one. That’s what Vegas is doing to Pats fans right now because it knows Pats fans are basically your dumb drunk bar friend. Just watch. Does anyone think that the Pats will actually win this? Every real money layer is going to lay on the Seahawks on Saturday night after all the drunken Bostonians visit the Sports Books, wearing their Pats jerseys and generally sounding like assholes when they jabber on. No fan base around knows less about actual sports than Patriots fans and Vegas knows this (that’s why they gave them a point you morons). Vegas knows that the Pats cheating likely got them this far (let us not forget the massive Kansas City Monday night catastrophe and losing in Miami). The Pats just aren’t for real. The Seahawks are going to man handle them.

The Seahawks won 43 to 8 last year as an underdog. Do you actually believe that Vegas thought Seattle to actually be that underdog? No, they suckered Denver fans. And Denver fans are like rocket scientist compared to drunken Pats fans.

But lets talk about how these cheating assholes have the shittiest fan base on earth and less of their incompetent gambling prowess.
New England Patriots fans watch Super Bowl XLVI in Boston, MA

Holy Jesus, what the fuck are you crying about you sobbing pathetic Patriots fan? Oh wait, my bad, you are crying because your team got caught once again cheating for the third time in like 5 minutes and everyone is saying your team isn’t that good (because your team cheated). How totally unfair! How you against the world! The victimized position of rooting for the Patriots. Well try rooting for teams that don’t cheat, like the Browns and Chiefs. Try NOT winning. That’s fun.


Ok Ok….relax crying Pats fan. It’s going to be Ok, once you get blown out by the Seahawks, a team that actually works on their performance ON THE FIELD and doesn’t spend hours on the science of perfect Air Pressure Per Square Inch, the feeling of shittyness will trickle away in the hums and hos about how your team was “distracted” by the ESPN and Fan bullying you had to endure all week.

I’ve never seen a worse sports fan base in my life. I mean even the shittiest sports fans could at least admit when their team cheats when it is posted in such a blatant and obvious way, you know, with undeniable proof! No one is asking you to turn on your team, we get it, it snows a fuckload up there and there ain’t much else going on, but at least own up to it and move on.

The irony here is that kids in schools get caught cheating and there is parental outrage. They are inundated with bible stories and summoned to 3pm detentions, kicked off basketball teams and dismissed from attending Homecoming; however the entire city of adults is just fine promoting a cheating organization. Perfect. Patriots fans say “well every team probably does it.” Remember this when your kids come to you after they get caught cheating and they say that “all their friends were doing it so they thought it was Ok.” At leastFeaturemaybe in the latter scenario, the other kids probably were doing it. In your case, it isn’t likely true.

No one is trying to rain on your Superbowl parade, we are all just waiting for the Seahawks to kick your ass. Because we all know that it’s coming.

Enjoy the snow, pricks, your the Douche of the Week. All of you.