Of course, the end of the world is supposed to be coming, I think its like a few days before Christmas, forgive me for being too lazy to look it up, but football is on and the fact that I am even writing this entry should tell you that the level of doucheness in this discovery must be ultra-douche.
So you’d think I would be talking about the douches that are buying into the end of the world actually happening (well I kinda am) but more I am talking about these companies that are selling shelters for the day that the world looks like that final scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when that german dude’s face melts as the Ark is pried open by a bunch of Turban dudes.
Meet AtlasSurvivorShelters.com. Before I proceed, I am sure they are making absolute bank, so there is that aspect of this, but still….
So these dudes are apparently trying to put up some kind of Hunger Games like experience camp in Texas to train you for if the world ends. Because if some evil Nazi’s face starts melting, you best know how to shoot an arrow at the sky. Here is the proposed camp:
ATLAS SURVIVAL SHELTERS is proposing to lease this 2600 acre exotic animal ranch, 2 hours south of San Antonio, Texas, for the sole purpose of training it’s shelter customers on how to survive in their bunkers. Weekend classes will begin in April/May 2012. The ranch has several amenities that makes it a family weekend including feeding animals, archery, shooting guns, trampolines, swimming in ponds, four-wheeling and exotic hunts.
The only part of this I agree with is the use of Trampolines. If the world ends, I promise you, the people that know how to use a trampoline properly are likely going to get through this sh$% the fastest.
So basically, if the world ends, these are the guys that will be running the show.
Oh man, are you f$%ing kidding me? I like that the least interesting men on the planet are drinking Dos Equis. The one guy is all Mexican Suited out with his denim square dance apparel, and really, he even looks sick of it already.
Now, they try to gain a little ground here with a semi-hot chick feeding a Zebra.
But then F$%k it all up with this picture.
Because if you want a room built to repell pussy, you just found the epitome of such. Wow. Is the polar bear guarding the door? Is this camp for learning what to do if a German Guy’s Face and genitals begin to melt or for what happens if you are on Noah’s Ark and it somehow makes it from Alaska to Mexico without any real significant losses?
Oh hey look, trampolines.
These trampolines suck. They definitely wouldn’t hold up denim suit guy. The one on the right looks curved or something. What a disaster. Seriously, this is the best you could do for essential end of world survival equipment.
Pretty scarey, because when the world ends and you are faced with this new found human nemesis, you will regret your trampolines are not more awesome.
haha are you f$%king joking? I bet this beast is so lazy that if I urinated on its nose it wouldn’t budge. Shouldn’t there be like training for spaceships landing or crap like what we saw in the movie Armageddon?
“Hi Family, I would like for you to all sit for a nice sophisticated and eloquent dining experience.”
Oh man, how incredible is this?
Check out the dog. Seriously, is the dog stuffed or real? I can’t f#$king tell.
Oh man, more
“I feel like a deer in headlights right now. I might have to call you back.”
I honestly can’t stop laughing at how stupid this website is.
Here is a picture of the dude that runs the site (I guess) at an end of the world conference in Las Vegas posing with a weapon you will be trained to use if the world ends and you are attacked by the enemy.
Here is a picture of the enemy.
A gang of camels chillaxing on a hay bale.
Has to be one of the worst sites on the Internet.