In another life, his hair was actually the rug in the house where Indiana Jones has squirrel brains for dinner. That or a 70′s porn star’s pubes.
iTunes water globe app cost just under $220. Its a shitty snowman in fake snow on a computer screen.
117 Douches till Christmas. 117 people apparently bought a f#cking $219 snowglobe app for their iPhone or iPad. Of course, the first asshole claims it was an accident and wants his money back. Because you know, we all see Apps we HATE and then accidentely press BUY, followed by a further accidental “CONFIRM I WANT THIS FAKE ASS SNOWGLOBE.”
Because well, that happens.
This is without question the most retarded thing I have ever seen. What’s great is someone calling it an “error” or “rippff,” well I sure hope everyone realizes that in order to rate the App, you had to buy it in the first place. Sorry it was a ripoff my friend, I mean who the f$ck would have thought that a computer generate shitty snowglobe for your iPhone would have been a ripoff and not lived up to your holiday expectations?
Lets check out the sales pitch for Frosty the Inflation snowglobe.
“You can use your finger to churn up the white snowflakes.” My God, Jack Frost must be masturbating on Charlie Brown’s underwhelming shitty Christmas Tree right now, that’s how exciting that sounded. The globe also runs a “fluid dynamics simulation,” I mean, I don’t see how NASA isn’t beating down the door of Ubiquitous Muffin right now to get some higher level shit going on down in Houston. Does this Frosty the Snowman have a golden penis? I’d hope so, I mean that’s about the only thing that would make it worth the buy. That or make the future miss Frosty that all the kids invent for Frosty because his sorry ass is so lonely a little less fat. I know, it’s snowballs, which may give off the perception of a fat chick even if that’s not the case, but still, do better folks. Remember when Miss Frosty is standing there and all the kids are trying to name her and all we are thinking is name her “Fatsy?” I still have nightmares.
Well, jokes on my dumb ass, because 117 f#cking idiots paid for Frosty and Fatsy on a goddamn’d iPhone to see it snow on them. I’m not going to do the math here, but rest assured, Ubiquitous Muffin is chillaxin at an Olive Garden right f#cking now laughing at haters like me.
Merry Christmas people, your f#4king stupid.
I don’t which part of this picture is the worst, which bothers me because I am sickly compelled in discovering that real “worst” aspect. Can you help?
The real fail here is clearly the shark that doesn’t seem to actually eat the Old English douche and sh#t him out into a river of sewage. A solid shark attack here would clear half of this situation up. You know your doucheness is bad when even a painting of a female shuns you with a cold shoulder in an attempt to avoid getting the clap.
… a douche. And I loooove….
Which of the following do you think could get this douche’s hair to move? 1) Hurricane Sandy 2) A tranny eating a corndog while watching Birdcage in a moldy basement 3) A lawnmower
I really think that some of the newer lawnmowers have a decent chance. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have really went this direction because the tranny eating the corndog is just too good, mostly because I am really hungry this morning (for the corndog, let the record show), but new powerful mowers are nothing to f#$k with. Those things like cut off feet and shit, I think douche hair would give way to this kind of force.
Ok, off to head to the seediest neighborhood I know of….for a corndog, of course.
I’m always happy to see animals get a better shake from the disusting human world we live in, but this seems like a case of an animal with a bad foot that some Zoo janitors wisened up and attached a plunger to his foot. So like now the elephant is the most serious plumber the zoo has.
Either that or that thing is a floor sweeper.
I’m just happy that 36k people on Facebook have been inspired by an elephant with a dirty plunger on its foot.
Facebook wages on its battle to become a wall of shit which people throw motivational pictures at to project to others that they think just the same. When in fact, it couldn’t be further from the truth. The one posting the daily “do unto others as you’d have others do unto you” is probably sitting there masturbating to your girlfriend’s pictures with a ball gag in his mouth.
That’s just truth, folks.
But now these silly ass (pun intended) pictures with related “motivational” and “inspiring” tales of those people or jackasses that changed the world are making the rounds. And here’ the latest.
Here’s the rest of it:
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.
You have two choices… smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .